Bad sex during one-night stand: My date was going great … until he pulled this weird, agonizing move. – Slate

How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!Dear How to Do It,I’m a 25-year-old woman and I recently went on a date with a guy I’d been chatting with off the apps for a while. We went for dinner and drinks and were really really hitting it off. We had a lot of chemistry! We went back to my place and hooked up. The sex was fine. It wasn’t off-the-charts amazing and I didn’t finish, but I figured it was the first time and that it would get better.Five minutes after we finished, he did something really weird.He got dressed, barely said anything, and headed out. No excuse about having an early morning or any of the usuals. I’m no stranger to hookups and casual sex, but since we were on a date I figured there would be more to this!I felt pretty used and shitty afterward. Should I confront him about it? Is that worth it? Or should I just forget this happened and roll with the punches?—One Night OuchDear One Night Ouch,Before confronting this guy, ask yourself what the best-case outcome of such a scenario would be. If your answer is something along the lines of making him realize that he was callous so that he doesn’t do it again (or at least thinks twice before) to another person, your goal is noble. It’s probably not actually going to happen (people who do this kind of thing don’t usually learn life lessons from other people telling them, “Hey, don’t do that kind of thing!”), but at least your effort would be for the sake of making the world a better place, albeit on a microscopic level.If you want answers behind his behavior or just to give him a piece of your mind, I caution against approaching him. He wasn’t especially communicative after the sex, and you’re unlikely to force more information out of him, although it is possible that he’ll spill more at your urging. If what that spill contains is judgmental toward you (for example, a critique of sexual technique as grounds for him realizing this wasn’t a match and the best course of action was to cut off communication), you may leave that conversation with hurt feelings. This may be his exact objective in going dim: to not have to express what might hurt you. In this scenario, you should prepare yourself to receive tougher answers to your tough questions.If your goal is to simply put him in his place and/or make him feel as bad as his abrupt pulling away made you feel, you can certainly go for it, but again, mean things may transpire in the process. I’ve literally never left a confrontation like that feeling good, even when I knew I was in the right and landed all of the punches that I wanted to.I think your expectations were reasonable and he acted in a way that, at minimum, risked making you feel the way that you did: used and shitty. He probably knows this and did it anyway. It’s fuckboy stuff, really, and perhaps if enough people let guys know that their behavior has actual ramifications, maybe they’d reconsider. Probably not, but maybe!You felt bad after your time with him, which I think is damaging enough. That’s why I’m advising you to refrain from opening a communication line that could result in more hurt. It’s better to move on in an attempt to find a guy who won’t do this. If you need to dwell on it with him, though, brace yourself.—RichWhen I was very pregnant with our second child, my husband told me that he wanted to open our relationship by adding a third person. I asked him to wait until I was at least six months postpartum. He agreed, but then I found out he’d fallen in love with a woman during that time and wanted to pursue a relationship as a throuple. I am so hurt, and so exhausted by the lies. How do I move forward and communicate my needs?For a forthcoming advice column, we want to help you navigate your social dynamics at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry? Ask us your question here!Slate is published by The Slate
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Source: https://slate.com/advice/2025/01/bad-sex-date-one-night-stand-quickie-advice.html