Asking Eric: I was asked to expand our dinner’s guest list, but had to say no – MLive.com
R. Eric Thomas writes the “Asking Eric” column for Tribune Content AgencyCourtesy of TCADear Eric: Christmas is a very difficult time for me, and I typically don’t celebrate as I don’t have any close family, and it only brings back painful memories. I moved a couple years ago and found a very great group of friends that have quickly become my chosen family. I was determined to take back how I felt about Christmas and began to host a Christmas dinner.I love to cook so I make pretty much everything for my friend group. I’ve done this for three years now and it’s been such a godsend (same group of people every year too) and has made me enjoy Christmas again, finally.This past one, a couple of my friends asked if they could bring a friend or two … or three the day of the dinner and I politely said, “I am sorry, but this is more of a family-style Christmas dinner, and I only want my family around me.”I felt bad, but, to me, this is my family and since I am making everything, I already accounted for everyone who RSVP’d. Did I handle this appropriately? How should I go about this my next one to make sure everyone knows it is invite-only? I feel that if it was a Christmas party it would be OK to be “the more the merrier” but this was different.– Christmas ConfusionDear Christmas: Good for you for finding a healthy way to reframe a difficult holiday. The work you did is really wonderful. It’s generous of you to host everyone and prepare the whole meal yourself. Your chosen family is lucky to have you.You were completely right to keep the guest list limited to those you intended to invite. Not only is a day-of ask hard to negotiate logistically, but additional guests would change the event.Because a couple of your friends made the ask, as opposed to one, it’s a good idea to talk about it one-on-one outside of the Christmas season. You can acknowledge that you had mixed emotions about turning down the requests and also give them some insight into the way you’re thinking about your Christmas dinner.Even if they already know they’re family and that this dinner has been transformational, it won’t hurt to hear it again. It also gives them the opportunity to let you know of any friends that feel like family to them, whom you may want to consider for next year.Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.Use of and/or registration on any portion of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement, (updated 8/1/2024) and acknowledgement of our Privacy Policy, and Your Privacy Choices and Rights (updated 1/1/2025).© 2025 Advance Local Media LLC. All rights reserved (About Us). The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Advance Local.Community Rules apply to all content you upload or otherwise submit to this site.YouTube’s privacy policy is available here and YouTube’s terms of service is available here.Ad Choices
